Are You Living Your Best Life?

Are You Living Your Best Life?

The other day I was fooling around on YouTube, wasting time as usual, looking for something to entertain and distract me from doing anything productive. I frequently find subjects (sometimes bizarre!), that hold my interest for a period of time before I move on to something new.

Lately I had been intrigued by a plethora of videos on van life. All about people of no fixed abode who live in vans—mobile homes, RVs (recreational vehicles), motorhomes, campervans, even converted school buses. Minimalist, nomadic, traveling and on the move all the time, sleeping in national parks, Walmart parking lots, or simply parked on residential streets.

Don’t get me wrong; it does not appeal to me at all, but I’m fascinated by the idea of living that way—so different from my own stable lifestyle. They have communities, tribes. They keep in touch with each other, make videos, and meet up in designated areas. They are always on the move. Many work online and spend a lot of time in Starbucks making money on their computers.

Van lifers take great pride in the fewness of their belongings, are well organized, clean, and Spartan. They value independence and a sense of freedom. They are their own bosses and no one dictates how they spend their time.

But it’s hard! And you have to be constantly cleaning, tidying, looking for places to stop and camp for the night, vigilant about potential dangers most of us don’t ever consider. Pros and cons, in other words.

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing else to lose….”

A Young Man Tells His Tale of Van Life

This particular day I came across a video made by a young man in the US, in his 30s, who had sold up everything and taken to the road with his small home. He loved it.

And his story about why he had chosen this life was interesting. (I would love to share the link, but I’m sorry I lost it and can’t seem to find it.)

This is his story. Years before, his father, whom he loved deeply, had been planning for a long time to get out on the road and live his life free and independent in a van. He had spent his working life at a job that earned his keep and fed the family, but wasn’t his joy or passion. He longed to retire, hit the road and really start living his life. He had his pension, his wife had died years earlier, and the kids were grown and settled. It was his time.

He sold his home, bought his dream RV, and set out in the direction of Yosemite. The mountains! Nature! Freedom!

A few months into his journey he dropped dead of a heart attack. Gone. His stunned and grieving son decided to live the life his father had missed. He didn’t want to wait until he was 65 to live his dream. What was he waiting for?

So he took the little RV and made it his home.

At first he found it hard and missed the stability of normal life but after a while embraced his Inner Gypsy and settled in to his new transient lifestyle. He made friends. Wonderful friends. He developed a thriving online business. He began to love his life passionately. His parting words on the video really struck me; he said what really made it all worthwhile was that despite being tough and challenging, at the end of the day he could look back with satisfaction and feel it was a day well spent’.

Wow. A day well spent. Those words hit me like a Mack truck. Aren’t we all looking for this? Don’t days well spent turn into weeks, and months, and years, and finally, a life well spent? Isn’t this what it’s all about?

It seems like the search for purpose and meaning really boils down to these few words—wanting to feel your time is well spent. And while striking to see in a young man, it usually becomes more important as we get older, retire, kids leave home, and we begin to be aware that our time on this planet is limited. We simply want to feel we are spending it in the best way possible.

Do you feel you are spending your time well? Is what you are doing satisfying? Fulfilling a purpose? Meaningful, interesting, and challenging?

If not, what are you waiting for?

 

 

(Excerpt from my soon to be published book on finding life purpose, called Follow the Trail of Your Spirit—The Search for Purpose by Margaret Nash.)

If you find the questions in this article challenging you may like some personal life coaching on finding your best life and how to insure it’s well spent.

Contact margaretnashcoach@gmail.com for personal coaching in San Miguel or online coaching from anywhere in the world.

 

Also, look out for our workshop Thrive Through Transition being held next week in San Miguel. Details below.

 

 

If You’re Stuck in That Problem, This Could Get You Unstuck

If You’re Stuck in That Problem, This Could Get You Unstuck

Have you ever had a problem so big, so overwhelming, and so intractable that it woke you up at 3 am with panic attacks? Caused you to have heart palpitations? Usually around health or money?

It happens to the best of us. Most of us. It’s not fun. And you can get stuck there.

My personal Waterloo was after Sept 11, 2001 when my business tanked by 90% overnight. Nobody wanted business training when they thought the world was ending. Kept me awake, I assure you. Couldn’t pay my bills.

What was yours? How did you handle it?

These are the three most common approaches to big scary issues:

Like the Warrior. Brave, head on, resisting, determined to win. Taking matters in your own hands and going out to battle. Take no prisoners. No surrender. This approach is positive and takes responsibility for the problem. It’s down to me folks. I can’t rely on anyone else.

Or you can be the Realist and stop resisting what is. You put yourself in expert hands and accept you can’t run that marathon. You surrender to reality. This is the way things are so let’s make the best of it. Let’s face it; I’ve never been healthy/good with money. No point in fighting it.

Then there’s the Friend. You make nice with your problem. What is it trying to tell you? You try to rise above it. You look for causes and meaning, and try to root out negative thinking. You relax and trust it will all work out because you believe everything that happens is meant to be.

Each approach has its pros and cons.

Here are some of the cons

The Warrior is stubborn and sometimes won’t listen to others… and can become the Terrorist if you are not careful. This approach can leave you exhausted and bitter. Fighting the battle becomes all consuming and more important than finding a solution. Result: anger, burnout, obsession with your issue, friends avoid you.

The Realist can leave you overmedicated, dependent on therapy groups, and entrenched in your victim story. Defeatist, not trying anything new. You come to believe there is no cure or that you will go bankrupt and lose your home. The Realist becomes the Victim and just throws in the towel. Result: depression, despair, low energy, just getting by but no solution. Friends avoid you.

 

The Friend approach can leave you dead if you’re not careful.

Alternative treatments can be effective, but sometimes you need more than affirmations and visualizations. Discovering the root cause of your money issues may not save your house from foreclosure. The Friend can become the Fanatic, insisting that meditation will cure everything. Just imagine all that money you’ve got and it will magically appear. Result: no results, loss of faith, sometimes death.

I have two friends who have passed on prematurely because they got stuck in one mode and in each case the shadow took over. One refused blood thinner and insisted on using quantum touch instead for his heart condition, and the other stubbornly stuck to green drinks and a vegan diet for a serious cancer condition. Both are gone now.

Would you like to know how to come unstuck from that problem?

Use all three. You need them.

Engage the Warrior and attack with energy and enthusiasm. Do your best. You can do this! But you must take action and stop procrastinating.

Indulge the Realist and give yourself a break. Relax, accept what is for an afternoon and collapse in a heap with the dogs and Netflix. Hey, it wasn’t entirely your fault.

Dialogue with the invisible Friend and look for the underlying causes—what can you learn from this? Is the Universe trying to tell you something? Can this make you a better person?

All three approaches are essential for the best results

What worked with my financial meltdown was this 3-pronged approach: go to battle and try to save my company with other streams of income; put myself in the hands of a financial advisor, swallow my pride and ask for a loan to tide me over; and hey, what was the lesson here that would prevent this happening again? Stay out of debt and live within my means. Save. Hello. I got through it, survived, and eventually thrived.

Recently there was a Netflix documentary about Ram Dass, the well-known and beloved spiritual teacher who suffered a debilitating stroke a few years back. He used the 3-prong remedy: Still in a wheelchair, he seemed really happy, content, at peace, and he said with a smile that the stroke was the best thing to happen to him. He wouldn’t have chosen it, but it was nevertheless a gift. He understood more about life. The Friend. And he was also busy with physical therapy and daily swimming. The Warrior. He had helpers to help him get around. The Realist. Covering all bases.

Sometimes we have to give in and accept help from others. Sometimes we have to put aside our long held beliefs about diet and vitamin pills in the face of serious illness and get to the doctor. Sometimes we need to fight, not accept what we’ve been told, and try different solutions. Sometimes we just need to pray.

The Warrior says you can beat this. The Realist helps you see your limitations. The Friend says, hey we can make something good come out of this. Buck up.

You need all three.

Find that balance between them. Using all three ensures your success.

If you are stuck in that problem then check to see if you are sticking with one mode of approach. Try using all 3 and see what happens. Let me hear from you! I’d love to hear your successes; and if you’re still stuck, maybe I can help.

 

If you liked this you might also like life-coaching. It’s about how to get your life to work the way you want it to. Visit my website and peruse the blogs, check out my life-coaching books, and find out if personal coaching could be just right for you. www.Margaretnashcoach.com.

 

 

 

Got Stress? Here is the Perfect Stress Management Tool

Got Stress? Here is the Perfect Stress Management Tool

Prefer to listen to this blog—while you drive, while you work, while you exercise, or even while you cook? Try this audio; it’s eyes and hands free! It’s only 6 1/2 minutes, but if you’d like to download an mp3 to load onto your phone, right-click control-click on the mac) HERE.

 

Let’s be honest—we all experience stress. We all experience problems. Some big, some not so big.

The big stuff:

A health issue that won’t go away.

That huge debt that keeps you tossing and turning at night, leaving you exhausted.

That deteriorating relationship. It’s been on a downward spiral for some time now. You need to make a decision soon.

That friend/partner/family member who is drinking again.

Politics.

The not so big stuff:

The noisy neighbor.

The barking dog.

The new person in your group who talks too much and is spoiling it for all of you.

That high school friend on Facebook with political views that are driving you crazy.

The weird thing is, the big things and the not so big things can be equally stressful. There’s no accounting for what causes us unhappiness. We can sometimes sail through major life changes, and fall apart when someone is rude to us.

Whatever it is, stress and worry can steal your energy and put you through an emotional wringer— leaving you unable to cope with everyday life.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a way to deal with problems that dissolves the stress—even if it doesn’t necessarily dissolve the problem?

A way to handle stress that gives you a new point of view and sense of perspective?

Something, anything, that helps you cope? Feel more peaceful? And works immediately?

Good news! There is a way. I call it my Quick-Fix Stress Manager.

Let me share.

I first came across this set of 3 questions years ago, in the 1990s, when I was a hot-shot business trainer and this meme was making the rounds in training circles.

I remember going all cold with the ‘aha’ moment I experienced because of its simplicity and brilliance—as I was simultaneously overcome with jealousy that I hadn’t thought of it first. But I think the Buddha was first, and Seneca a few hundred years later. It sounds a lot like the Serenity Prayer written in 1951. Perhaps it’s always been around.

It’s simple, easy to remember; at the same time profound.

Here was something I could actually use—not just a clever sound-bite.

And definitely this was something that could help me with almost every problem I encountered. A true ‘across-the-board’ solution, kind of like an umbrella over anything in my life I found difficult to deal with.

Here we go:

The next time you are feeling anxiety, stress, worry or experiencing something disturbing, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Can I change it?

2. Can I accept it?

3. Can I walk away from it?

Note: You are working to find a yes somewhere here; otherwise you’re in for trouble. Expect to implode shortly.

Let’s look at this more closely:

1) Can I change it?
If you can change it, or at least do something about it, and it is somewhat under your control—take action. Any action. Then stop worrying about it. You are doing your best. Action is the absolute best stress reliever. Go on that march. Write that Senator. Donate. Make an appointment.
2) Can I accept it?
If you really cannot change it, and there is nothing you can do to affect the situation, can you accept it or resign yourself to it? Can you learn to live with it? If so, surrender to reality. You can’t change those election results. You can’t live that person’s life for them. Accept what is, and then let go the stress. Drop it now—it’s not serving any purpose.
3) Can I walk away from it?
If no to both of the first two questions, then the third option is —can you walk away from it? Get out, break off the relationship, move away, change jobs. You know that partnership is never going to work. You know you’ll never be happy living in Kansas. You can’t live with someone who is mentally ill if they won’t get treatment. Get out, now.

Walk away. You can’t change it and it will never be acceptable to you. It’s ok; you’re not a selfish monster, just realistic. You can always move to Antarctica.

Walking away can mean physically, as in leaving the scene, or emotionally and mentally. Sometimes we may not be able to move away or get on a plane, but we can just decide to switch off. It may be your only option for survival.

This Quick-fix Stress Management tool works for any issue or problem. It gives you a reframe, and a way to let go and move on.

These are your choices. You can work with 1, 2, or all 3.

If you can do all 3, then so much the better.

For instance, you can remove yourself from a nasty situation, and try your best to change it from a distance, at the same time accepting the reality of what is and feeling OK with it.

You may not be able to walk away from that health problem, but you can work to change it and accept what is at the same time.

You may not be able to walk away from that election result, (unless you unplug and become a hermit), but you can take what action you can, and accept what is, in the meantime.

You don’t have to like it, but if there is nothing you can do, you don’t have to let it ruin your life either.

The key is to let go of the worry and stress. Remember this: Nothing works well when you are stressed. Everything works better when you are calm.

You can’t argue with that. So make it your aim to let go of stress.

Try my Quick-Fix Stress Manager. I wish I had made it up. Really. I’d be a millionaire. So put it in your tool-box and use it next time you need it. And checks made out to Margaret Nash gratefully received…

Goal setting—3 questions to get you started

Goal setting—3 questions to get you started

I confess.stewardshipadvocates.org

I love setting goals. Come New Year’s Eve and I’m sitting with a notebook and cup of tea writing like a crazy person, planning my next year. I think making them is great fun, but I overcomplicate the process and frequently end up with a dog’s dinner of various outrageous and overly ambitious nonsense.

And then they don’t happen.  And if I hadn’t written them down so carefully, I wouldn’t remember what they were.

I bet if I asked you what your new year’s resolutions were, you would groan and tell me you don’t like setting goals, because you either forget about them right after making them, or worse, they don’t ever happen even if you do everything right.

You’ve probably already forgotten them.

Goal setting for many conjures up ideas of struggling to figure out what you want in life and making complicated plans you will never stick to for more than a week.

Ugh…fear and loathing.

And reading over your last year’s grand and glorious intentions just doesn’t feel good. Feels kind of like failure.

Thing is, setting goals and figuring out what direction you want to take can work extremely well and can bring things into your life you never thought possible. At least this is what we keep hearing.

After years of complicated processes from Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, to SMART goals, to Neuro-linguistic Programming techniques, with random results, I now follow a more intuitive method. Last year I hit nearly every target I set for myself. So I’m not giving up goal setting; it’s my little addiction. Now I’ve learned how to make my addiction work for me.

The secret is to keep it really simple.

Here are 3 questions to get you focused. You don’t really need any more. Keep it simple.

  1. What is it I don’t have right now in my life that I would like to have?
  2. What do I need to do that I’m not doing right now?
  3. What would I be willing to sacrifice to make it happen?

Just answer the questions without overthinking them. Question #3 can be the real game changer. A no brainer for me: social media. What about you?

These questions apply to all areas of life—health, finances, relationships, house and home—any area at all. It can be about material, mundane things, or about lofty spiritual or personal development goals.

Make sure it’s something over which you have some control. You can’t change other people or run their lives.

Watch the magic start to happen.

 

 

If this subject is interesting and relevant to you, there is lots more to enjoy in my book, Rebellious Aging: A Self-help Guide for the Old Hippie at Heart, available online in Kindle and paperback; if you live in San Miguel, it’s for sale in the Biblioteca bookstore.

Also, if you live or visit San Miguel, please come for a life coaching session and get personal help in kickstarting 2018!

I’d love to hear how this works for you! Contact me at margaretnashcoach@gmail.com and look out for workshops and practice groups on this and similar life coaching subjects.

Yes, I Mean No! How to Say No Assertively

Yes, I Mean No! How to Say No Assertively

Do you find it hard, if not impossible sometimes, to refuse a request from someone?

For instance, someone asks you to donate to a charity you don’t even believe in, or serve on committee you’re not interested in, or let’s say a nice person asks you out for the evening but you don’t want to go…and you still say OK? Ack!

“But I can’t say no!” I hear you cry. Yes, you can. Of course you can. You just want to know how to say it, without causing offense, disapproval, or upsetting someone.

The problem is you end up doing things that bring you no joy just in order to please someone else, and you’re frustrated with yourself for not saying what you meant. Also, you’re overwhelmed and don’t have time to do the things you want to do.

If only you had some simple rules and phrases that would allow you to speak your mind in a clear and courteous manner. I’ve got them.

Here are 4 artfully assertive rules and phrases to help you just say no in a way that won’t cause offense or put you in the doghouse.

Rule #1

They have the right to ask; you have the right to refuse.

Don’t get mad because they asked, and don’t make them feel bad for asking.

If you don’t say no, it’s your fault, not theirs for asking. Own it. It’s totally up to you to control your own time and energy.

Rule #2

Always thank them for asking and express appreciation for any polite request.

“Thanks for asking, but that’s not really my thing. I’m going to say ‘no’.”

“Thanks for asking, but that’s not going to work for me. I’m just too busy right now.”

“I really can’t—sorry; I’ve got too much on my plate right now.”

 Rule #3

Don’t over apologize, don’t over explain, don’t make excuses, and don’t get defensive.

They have the right to ask, but they don’t have the right to elaborate explanations or apologies. For the sake of politeness a short sorry, followed by a brief reason, (see above examples, Rule #2) will suffice. You don’t have to justify your decision.

The general rule that keeps me out of trouble is a short ‘sorry’, followed by a brief explanation, combined with a pleasant expression.

Then….

Rule #4

Zip it!

Once you’ve said no, don’t repeat yourself, or start apologizing, adding to your story, or yammering away trying to justify yourself. Just be quiet, hold your nerve, and carry on as before. If you have been courteous, then you have nothing to explain.

If you are not awkward, they won’t be. Trust me on this.

Remember these 4 rules next time you are asked for something you don’t feel comfortable with. Honor their right to ask and yours to refuse. Try out these phrases. All my sentences, rules and suggestions are tried and beta tested.

I think you will be delighted with how magically well they work.

If this subject is interesting and relevant to you, there is lots more to enjoy in my book, Artful Assertiveness Skills for Women, available online in Kindle and paperback; if you live in San Miguel, it’s for sale in the Biblioteca bookstore. This easy to read, clear, fun, and concise book could help you in ways you can’t even imagine.

I’d love to hear of your successes! Contact me at margaretnashcoach@gmail.com. and look out for workshops and practice groups on this and similar life coaching subjects.

 

Procrastinating? 3 questions guaranteed to get you moving

Procrastinating? 3 questions guaranteed to get you moving

It happens to the best of us: you’ve got something that’s been sitting—stuck!—on your to-do list for months now.

Sitting there, smug and unmoving, and bugging the life out of you. You want to kick it.

That brilliant creative idea that was going to change the world, or that new marketing venture for your online business. An idea for a book, or a painting.

I’m not talking about the tasks you have to do, like tax returns, or getting the car serviced. I’m talking about that project that you know will improve your life no end … if you can just get going on it.

Today is the day it is going to happen. You have the whole day stretching out ahead of you with no appointments. The decks are clear so you can make headway right now. Yes. do it image

You sigh, take a deep breath, grab a coffee from the kitchen and gear yourself up. Yes, right now you will finally get started on your dreams.

Only first … you just need to check your email in case someone has tried to contact you in the last 10 minutes, and then Facebook to check in with what’s going on in the world….just get all that out of the way so you can start working. Indeed.

Two hours later you emerge, blinking and groggy, and oh look, it’s time to fix lunch. picture of dog

Before you know it, it’s mid-afternoon and you may as well nap. Or catch a few minutes of Ellen, or Dr. Phil. Judge Judy in a pinch. Oh, now the dogs need walking. Can’t put them off.

Almost time for Netflix….

You’ve accomplished nothing! Another day gone and you don’t feel especially good about yourself. I guess it’s time to write this day off, stop beating yourself up, and relax. Eat some chocolate.

After all, tomorrow is another day. Said Scarlett. Right before Rhett walked out on her.  quote about tomorrow

Day after day after day, you put this project on your list and determine to do it, and then don’t. Whatever your strategy, it isn’t working….

Say hello to procrastination, the bugbear hidden strategy of most creative people…

 … freelancers, entrepreneurs, artists, writers…. and retirees in particular. Really, anybody who doesn’t have a job that forces them to hit deadlines, or a boss keeping a beady eye out for results. Nobody to answer to for how time is being spent.

OK, peeps, so what is the problem here? We all put things off. What’s the big deal?

The deal is this. Nothing feels better than getting something done that you’ve been meaning to do. And nothing feels worse than that sinking feeling time is just slipping away and you’re not spending it well. It can make you feel useless and your life meaningless. That’s yucky.

Here are 3 questions guaranteed to bounce you out of this endless cycle of non-doing!

You can get that project off the starting block, the introduction to the new book written, that new painting sketched in. And you won’t have to schedule a whole day to break the procrastination habit. You just need 5 minutes.

This 3 step solution will release those blocks and make you feel like a hundred bucks. You’ll feel so pumped up and pleased with yourself you won’t believe it.

Honestly, there is no better feeling than actually getting something done! And these questions are your ticket to ride.

They uncover the most common reasons people like you and I procrastinate.quote about creative procrastination

Here they are. Ready?

Think about what you are putting off doing.

1) Does the idea of doing it make my heart sing, or fill me with fear and loathing? Can you honestly ever see yourself doing it? Maybe you are dragging your feet because you know deep down that it’s never going to happen and you don’t really want to do it. In which case, drop it now and don’t think about it again. Ever. You didn’t really want to learn to dance Salsa. Not really. It was a pipe dream. All your friends were raving about it. Sounds utterly exhausting.

Take a few minutes thinking about this task or project. If you feel it absolutely is something you want to do, then ask yourself the next question.

2) What decision do I need to make? Almost all procrastination can be traced back to some decision that needs to be taken that is being avoided. Most of us don’t like making decisions so will put them off indefinitely, and unconsciously it stops us from taking action. Who do I need to call? What do I need to buy? Whose help do I need to ask for? Which art class should I join? What subject do I want to blog on? Write my book about?

 Identify that unmade decision and figure out what you need to do to become resolved and get cracking. What decision is holding you back? What information do you need? Then move on to…

3) What action can I take right now that will release the floodgates and get me sailing? What is one tiny step towards getting it started that you can do right now? Do not commit to a day’s work, an hour’s work, just 5 minutes. Set up the blank page on your computer and put a title at the top, get your paintbrushes out and set up the easel, dig up that phone number and put it by the phone, find the exercise mat and put it in front of the TV.

Spend 5 minutes doing something, anything that will get you started.

No more than 5 minutes!

(I’m not going to comment on how 5 minutes can stretch out to fill a morning or afternoon. That would spoil the surprise.)

You usually put things off when they feel overwhelming. The task is too big. You don’t know how to start. You’re not sure you can do it. You can’t make up your mind about something.

Answer these questions and I guarantee your productivity will increase; you will get that job done, or at least started, and feel amazingly wonderful about yourself.

You’ve earned that Netflix binge.

Now excuse me please, I need to check my email. It’s been at least 15 minutes….

 

If you like this you may like some of my books on coaching. They are full of useful life-enhancing hacks and tips.

Or you may like some coaching, in person or via Skype or Zoom. My job is to help you get your life to work the way you want it to. Contact me below.