My ‘Let’s Get Real’ Goal Resuscitation Scheme

My ‘Let’s Get Real’ Goal Resuscitation Scheme

Mar 18, 2019 | goal setting, Life-Coaching

Well here we are, a third of the way into 2019. And already some of those terribly exciting goals I set in the New Year have fallen by the wayside. Seems like just yesterday I was frantically recording them in notebooks. I love doing that. It’s one of my favorite activities and I faithfully set my goals in stone each year.

I do not want to admit how many come to fruition, how many are totally forgotten, nor how many seem to end up on the stone tablet year in, year out without the slightest discernible progress. I don’t think I’m alone here—apparently losing 10lbs, getting more exercise, and learning a foreign language rank high on this perpetual list of non-achievement for many.

Sigh. Put learning Spanish on that one for me. I live in Mexico so this can safely be said to be important, politically correct, and embarrassing not to have accomplished.

For over a decade it has reared its troublesome and challenging head on my lists of Very Important Goals for any given year. And I think I can honestly admit I understand a conversation in Spanish about as well as I did 10 years ago.

This goal needs life support, resuscitation. I had pretty much given up on it.

Until recently. I happened upon a comment about project management that seemed to apply to this area. It was about being realistic with what you’re not willing to do in any given circumstance where you’re trying to accomplish something. I played around with it, added some steps, got it to work for me and dubbed it the “Let’s Get Real Goal Resuscitation Scheme”.

It’s especially for those annoying goals that stubbornly won’t manifest for some reason. The ones that seem to fizzle somewhere around January 5.

And it’s working! Two months into it, I have actually been complimented on how much my Spanish has improved lately. Please trust me, this has never happened before.

Here it is.

Take a recurring goal that needs life support. Choose your favorite. Fill in the blanks.

  • State the goal.
  • I am NOT willing to…..
  • I AM willing to….
  • There is a remote possibility I might just, maybe, POSSIBLY be willing to….

So….let’s say it’s learning Spanish. Ahem.

Goal: I want to get better at Spanish, be able to understand conversations, speak and be understood.

I’m NOT willing to:….go to any more classes, employ a tutor (shoot me first), spend two hours a day on it, watch Spanish speaking soaps or cartoons. (I’ve done all of that)

I AM willing to:….do some online course of some sort. Maybe 10 mins a day.

I might just, maybe, POSSIBLY be willing to:…work with a friend, go to a class with a friend (combine it with social occasion), start speaking it every chance I get for practice.

Well, lo and behold, getting real about it, and recognizing what I absolutely am not willing to do any more, kind of broke the impasse I had created.

When we kid ourselves about what we are actually willing to do, we remain stuck. And sometimes we set unrealistic or overly vague goals (to learn Spanish) and become overwhelmed. I had this big picture of attending classes, which cost a fortune and were held 3X a week. And did nothing for my Spanish. I’ve done it before.

After getting real with myself, I discovered an online course that doesn’t make me with froth at the mouth or bleed from the ears after 10 minutes (SynergySpanish.com), and while I don’t listen every day, I am managing it several times a week. It’s working. There is this smidgen of progress. A teeny tiny light at the end of the Spanish-speaking tunnel.

Try this process on your most stubborn goals. Try it on the 10 lbs one (come on, it’s on everybody’s list unless you’re skinny). See what comes up.

Let me know.

(If you want to know more about how to get goal setting to actually work, instead of just depressing you, shoot me an email and we can work together. I have some great processes for kick starting stubborn stuff back into gear.)

Are You Living Your Best Life?

Are You Living Your Best Life?

Aug 6, 2018 | Aging Well, Life-Coaching, Personal Development, Uncategorized

The other day I was fooling around on YouTube, wasting time as usual, looking for something to entertain and distract me from doing anything productive. I frequently find subjects (sometimes bizarre!), that hold my interest for a period of time before I move on to something new.

Lately I had been intrigued by a plethora of videos on van life. All about people of no fixed abode who live in vans—mobile homes, RVs (recreational vehicles), motorhomes, campervans, even converted school buses. Minimalist, nomadic, traveling and on the move all the time, sleeping in national parks, Walmart parking lots, or simply parked on residential streets.

Don’t get me wrong; it does not appeal to me at all, but I’m fascinated by the idea of living that way—so different from my own stable lifestyle. They have communities, tribes. They keep in touch with each other, make videos, and meet up in designated areas. They are always on the move. Many work online and spend a lot of time in Starbucks making money on their computers.

Van lifers take great pride in the fewness of their belongings, are well organized, clean, and Spartan. They value independence and a sense of freedom. They are their own bosses and no one dictates how they spend their time.

But it’s hard! And you have to be constantly cleaning, tidying, looking for places to stop and camp for the night, vigilant about potential dangers most of us don’t ever consider. Pros and cons, in other words.

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing else to lose….”

A Young Man Tells His Tale of Van Life

This particular day I came across a video made by a young man in the US, in his 30s, who had sold up everything and taken to the road with his small home. He loved it.

And his story about why he had chosen this life was interesting. (I would love to share the link, but I’m sorry I lost it and can’t seem to find it.)

This is his story. Years before, his father, whom he loved deeply, had been planning for a long time to get out on the road and live his life free and independent in a van. He had spent his working life at a job that earned his keep and fed the family, but wasn’t his joy or passion. He longed to retire, hit the road and really start living his life. He had his pension, his wife had died years earlier, and the kids were grown and settled. It was his time.

He sold his home, bought his dream RV, and set out in the direction of Yosemite. The mountains! Nature! Freedom!

A few months into his journey he dropped dead of a heart attack. Gone. His stunned and grieving son decided to live the life his father had missed. He didn’t want to wait until he was 65 to live his dream. What was he waiting for?

So he took the little RV and made it his home.

At first he found it hard and missed the stability of normal life but after a while embraced his Inner Gypsy and settled in to his new transient lifestyle. He made friends. Wonderful friends. He developed a thriving online business. He began to love his life passionately. His parting words on the video really struck me; he said what really made it all worthwhile was that despite being tough and challenging, at the end of the day he could look back with satisfaction and feel it was ‘a day well spent’.

Wow. A day well spent. Those words hit me like a Mack truck. Aren’t we all looking for this? Don’t days well spent turn into weeks, and months, and years, and finally, a life well spent? Isn’t this what it’s all about?

It seems like the search for purpose and meaning really boils down to these few words—wanting to feel your time is well spent. And while striking to see in a young man, it usually becomes more important as we get older, retire, kids leave home, and we begin to be aware that our time on this planet is limited. We simply want to feel we are spending it in the best way possible.

Do you feel you are spending your time well? Is what you are doing satisfying? Fulfilling a purpose? Meaningful, interesting, and challenging?

If not, what are you waiting for?

 

 

(Excerpt from my soon to be published book on finding life purpose, called Follow the Trail of Your Spirit—The Search for Purpose by Margaret Nash.)

If you find the questions in this article challenging you may like some personal life coaching on finding your best life and how to insure it’s well spent.

Contact margaretnashcoach@gmail.com for personal coaching in San Miguel or online coaching from anywhere in the world.

 

Also, look out for our workshop Thrive Through Transition being held next week in San Miguel. Details below.

 

 

Got Stress? Here is the Perfect Stress Management Tool

Got Stress? Here is the Perfect Stress Management Tool

Feb 13, 2018 | Life-Coaching, Personal Development, Stress Management, Uncategorized

Prefer to listen to this blog—while you drive, while you work, while you exercise, or even while you cook? Try this audio; it’s eyes and hands free! It’s only 6 1/2 minutes, but if you’d like to download an mp3 to load onto your phone, right-click control-click on the mac) HERE.

 

Let’s be honest—we all experience stress. We all experience problems. Some big, some not so big.

The big stuff:

A health issue that won’t go away.

That huge debt that keeps you tossing and turning at night, leaving you exhausted.

That deteriorating relationship. It’s been on a downward spiral for some time now. You need to make a decision soon.

That friend/partner/family member who is drinking again.

Politics.

The not so big stuff:

The noisy neighbor.

The barking dog.

The new person in your group who talks too much and is spoiling it for all of you.

That high school friend on Facebook with political views that are driving you crazy.

The weird thing is, the big things and the not so big things can be equally stressful. There’s no accounting for what causes us unhappiness. We can sometimes sail through major life changes, and fall apart when someone is rude to us.

Whatever it is, stress and worry can steal your energy and put you through an emotional wringer— leaving you unable to cope with everyday life.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a way to deal with problems that dissolves the stress—even if it doesn’t necessarily dissolve the problem?

A way to handle stress that gives you a new point of view and sense of perspective?

Something, anything, that helps you cope? Feel more peaceful? And works immediately?

Good news! There is a way. I call it my Quick-Fix Stress Manager.

Let me share.

I first came across this set of 3 questions years ago, in the 1990s, when I was a hot-shot business trainer and this meme was making the rounds in training circles.

I remember going all cold with the ‘aha’ moment I experienced because of its simplicity and brilliance—as I was simultaneously overcome with jealousy that I hadn’t thought of it first. But I think the Buddha was first, and Seneca a few hundred years later. It sounds a lot like the Serenity Prayer written in 1951. Perhaps it’s always been around.

It’s simple, easy to remember; at the same time profound.

Here was something I could actually use—not just a clever sound-bite.

And definitely this was something that could help me with almost every problem I encountered. A true ‘across-the-board’ solution, kind of like an umbrella over anything in my life I found difficult to deal with.

Here we go:

The next time you are feeling anxiety, stress, worry or experiencing something disturbing, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Can I change it?

2. Can I accept it?

3. Can I walk away from it?

Note: You are working to find a yes somewhere here; otherwise you’re in for trouble. Expect to implode shortly.

Let’s look at this more closely:

1) Can I change it?
If you can change it, or at least do something about it, and it is somewhat under your control—take action. Any action. Then stop worrying about it. You are doing your best. Action is the absolute best stress reliever. Go on that march. Write that Senator. Donate. Make an appointment.
2) Can I accept it?
If you really cannot change it, and there is nothing you can do to affect the situation, can you accept it or resign yourself to it? Can you learn to live with it? If so, surrender to reality. You can’t change those election results. You can’t live that person’s life for them. Accept what is, and then let go the stress. Drop it now—it’s not serving any purpose.
3) Can I walk away from it?
If no to both of the first two questions, then the third option is —can you walk away from it? Get out, break off the relationship, move away, change jobs. You know that partnership is never going to work. You know you’ll never be happy living in Kansas. You can’t live with someone who is mentally ill if they won’t get treatment. Get out, now.

Walk away. You can’t change it and it will never be acceptable to you. It’s ok; you’re not a selfish monster, just realistic. You can always move to Antarctica.

Walking away can mean physically, as in leaving the scene, or emotionally and mentally. Sometimes we may not be able to move away or get on a plane, but we can just decide to switch off. It may be your only option for survival.

This Quick-fix Stress Management tool works for any issue or problem. It gives you a reframe, and a way to let go and move on.

These are your choices. You can work with 1, 2, or all 3.

If you can do all 3, then so much the better.

For instance, you can remove yourself from a nasty situation, and try your best to change it from a distance, at the same time accepting the reality of what is and feeling OK with it.

You may not be able to walk away from that health problem, but you can work to change it and accept what is at the same time.

You may not be able to walk away from that election result, (unless you unplug and become a hermit), but you can take what action you can, and accept what is, in the meantime.

You don’t have to like it, but if there is nothing you can do, you don’t have to let it ruin your life either.

The key is to let go of the worry and stress. Remember this: Nothing works well when you are stressed. Everything works better when you are calm.

You can’t argue with that. So make it your aim to let go of stress.

Try my Quick-Fix Stress Manager. I wish I had made it up. Really. I’d be a millionaire. So put it in your tool-box and use it next time you need it. And checks made out to Margaret Nash gratefully received…