Want to know how to be a better coach? Check this out—New coaching book

Want to know how to be a better coach? Check this out—New coaching book

Sep 26, 2021 | learning to coach, Life-Coaching, Personal Development, productivity, self-help, Success, Uncategorized

Hey, I’m delighted to offer you a kindle copy of my new book, which is FREE today and tomorrow (Sept 26, 27, 2021, otherwise only $2.99)! It’s called Life Coaches! Find Your Zen & Step Up Your Game, the second book in my series of short, easy to digest guidebooks called Shortcuts to Success.

But it’s not just for coaches. It’s for mentors, therapists, counsellors, trainers—anyone in fact who works one-to-one with people in a professional capacity with the aim to help or guide in some way.

Let me tell you a story.

Years ago, when I had about a decade of life-coaching experience under my belt, I took a course in advanced coaching to step up my game.

I was enjoying this course up in Northern California, among the Redwoods in Sonoma County. I’ve always figured that if you’re going to spend a couple of weeks training somewhere, it may as well be a nice somewhere, so there I was.

It was a rigorous course and a big part of the training was running mock coaching sessions with various partners, that is, other participants on the course.

On this particular day I had a very experienced coach I was partnering with. He was a bit daunting for me; I had a lot of respect for him and was, I confess, a little anxious to impress him.

We went through our session, taking turns coaching each other and the idea was to give helpful feedback.

His sage advice

At the end of my turn as coach, he had four words of feedback for me: “You’re working too hard.”

Ack. How embarrassing. Internally I bristled, while externally I thanked him for his comments. But in my head I was busy making excuses for myself. Of course I came across as working too hard, trying to impress. It was an unnatural situation and I knew I was being critiqued, yap, yap, yap.

He then went on. “Let the client do the work, not you. That’s not your job. Just let go and relax. You have a strong personality; don’t let it intrude on your coaching.

You just need to find your Zen place.”

My Zen place…

Those words made me reel with a confusion of emotions, but I knew what he meant.

I was familiar with Zen. I had been fascinated with it as a college student, had read all of Alan Watts’s books, had devoured Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and generally joined in the zeitgeist of all things Zen of that era. Zen was trendy in my day.

Zen is best known for enabling a state of relaxation, zero fear, being totally present and undistracted.

‘Unfazed’ as Alan Watts described it.

Unfazed. What a great word—the essence of cool, undaunted, unperturbed, undismayed by circumstances. Non-reactive. In control of your emotions and able to handle criticism. Bullet proof.

The perfect place for a coach—and anybody for that matter.

My partner was urging me to find that state of calm, the Zen state of coaching, where everything flows and so much is happening.

And it appears you are doing nothing.

(Excerpt from Life Coaches! Find Your Zen & Step Up Your Game)

This book is the tale of my subsequent odyssey to become a better coach and trainer.

It’s fun, and short—you can read it in less than 2 hours—and reveals 5 insider secrets I discovered about coaching that helped me step up my game. I believe you will find these secrets very practical in many contexts, not just coaching.

  • Come along with me as I set out to find my Zen
  • Enjoy the chapter on A Coachable Cat
  • Discover what they don’t teach you in coaching college
  • Learn how to step up your game no matter what line of work you are in.

I would love to hear from you how you liked it and where you found it useful in your life and work. Email me here with any feedback.

And I would be so happy if you wanted to leave a nice review on Amazon. Reviews are the lifeblood of authors and help us so much. As this is a new book, I need a certain number of reviews to be able to advertise it. So your review really, really counts!

Two Lines That Sum up What I Believe

Two Lines That Sum up What I Believe

Jul 19, 2020 | Assertiveness, controlling emotions, goal setting, Life-Coaching, pandemic care, Personal Development, self care, self-help, Stress Management, Uncategorized

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I’m a news junkie. There. It’s out.

I know, I know, the news is all fake, or toxic, or slanted, and designed to elicit strong emotions in us so we will get addicted and read more. Manipulative. Forcing us to form opinions.

I know all the arguments—we need to keep our minds clean and clear and we attract what we think about. And I am in total admiration of those who avoid the news entirely in order to remain unstressed and calm.

And yet I still turn to news hubs before doing anything constructive. It’s like a drug for sure. I love tuning in for the first time in the day. What’s new? What’s going on? Anything exciting?

Gives an initial high but then is unable to deliver on subsequent doses, like the first cigarette of the day.  Or so I’ve been told. I don’t smoke, drink, take drugs, or even coffee; but the news? Forget it. I’m so there.

And as a result I do spend quite a bit of my time dealing with unpleasant images in my head and feeling outraged over injustices I can never do anything about.

I have a friend who has detoxed from the news completely and doesn’t know what I’m talking about half the time. On the one hand I admire her discipline, but on the other I don’t really want to be like that. It seems like escaping.

You see, I don’t really like to think it’s an addiction despite what I said earlier. I prefer seeing it as a challenge. A challenge I don’t want to run away from. You can try to live in a bubble, but eventually something will burst it and you still have to deal with all those emotions.

What I want is this—to be able to scan the headlines, dip into an article here and there and remain calm and untroubled by it all. I want to be able to handle it. To be up to date, informed, but unperturbed.

I want to be in control.

I just want to be able to observe, and avoid taking sides or reacting. In other words, not play the game the media is playing, trying to manipulate my mind and emotions. I don’t have to. Then I’m free.

I don’t HAVE to form opinions about everything I read or listen to. I can remain neutral if I so choose.

This leads me to the title of this blog, ie Two Lines That Sum up What I Believe.

The other day I was re-reading the poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, and two lines grabbed my attention and literally made me gasp. It summed up perfectly what I deep down really believe about life, the news and world events, and all that other stuff that seems designed to keep me agitated. They are towards the end of the poem. Here they are:

“And whether or not it is clear to you,
 no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

There. That’s my opinion on all of it. I’m going to stick that line somewhere on my computer to remind me all is well and will develop in its own time without my help.

I will keep an interested eye on things, and act where I can, while remembering it’s all working itself out as it should. Unfolding.

I know that deep down, this is what I believe. This is a work in progress and I’m not there yet. But now I have a strong vision and intention of where and how I want to be.

What sums up your beliefs? Does this help you with something?

Let me hear from you. If you like this blog and would like more like it, or if there are other subjects around personal development you’d like to discuss, let me know. Please. I love getting feedback from you.

Margaret

Interested in trying out online coaching during the pandemic? Why not now? Many are using these strange but opportunistic times to try out new things and work on themselves in ways they never felt they had time for.

So, I’m here and have over 20 years’ experience as a life-coach and NLP therapist. My special offer of donation only between $20 and $50 USD for a 40 minute session still stands while times are interesting. For now, until end of August. Email me here to set up a session. You won’t often, if ever, see a deal like this on coaching.

Sessions are on Zoom or Facebook Messenger, no video, and designed to help you identify what you want from life and how to go about getting it.

I specialize in working with entrepreneurs who are struggling to get their practice or business to run smoothly. I’ve had tons of experience and overcome tons of obstacles. Still here. Still kicking.
How to Deal With Feelings of Anger and Frustration

How to Deal With Feelings of Anger and Frustration

Jun 4, 2020 | controlling emotions, Life-Coaching, overwhelm, pandemic care, self care, self-help, Stress Management, Uncategorized

Many of us are feeling a toxic mix of emotions right now—frustration, anger, grief, outrage, despair. That underlying feeling of unease from watching the news, which can result in stress and a feeling of helplessness. It’s not at all comfortable and quite distracting.

The anger combined with powerlessness can literally make us sick if we’re not careful. And is a huge time waster.

As a life-coach I’m always looking for solutions and reframes that can help people cope with stuff that happens. Turn it around and make it bearable, if not positive.

The best approach ever to stress

Without doubt the best teachings I have ever come across for coping with events that make us feel helpless comes from the ancient Greco-Roman philosophy called Stoicism.

I confess. I adore Stoicism and it is my go-to back-up support these days. It always has something supremely useful to give us. Practical lessons in everyday living.

Most of us have heard of Stoicism, or at least are familiar with the term to be stoical. It’s associated these days with a sort of calm, unemotional, austere type of behavior. Non-sentimental and with uncaring connotations.

This is not true to the original teachings, which I want to share.

Rather than urging us to be uncaring or unemotional, Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can control. That which we cannot control, do not waste energy nor stress about. It’s a waste of time. Period.

Here are some quotes from the early Roman Stoic philosopher Epictetus. You will be amazed how current they are.

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.”

And…

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”

And…

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.”

This is hardly unfeeling or austere. It’s dynamic, intelligent, and realistic. And above all, sublimely practical.

Anger and stress serve no one

Each of us has a mode of action—a way we are best suited for acting as decent, responsible human beings.

Some of us are activists and the first to be out on the streets demonstrating for justice. I have a friend in Mobile, Alabama, my home town, who is like this. I admire her immensely. She works tirelessly to help people vote and is always organizing events. (You know who you are Dianne Jones!) I would last about 5 minutes marching anywhere for anything, and my organizational skills are zilch, so I don’t think that’s my best way to serve. Plus she has tons of energy. I don’t.

But I can vote. I can write letters to people in power. I can donate money or give encouragement to people who are out there working on the line to make the world a better place.

So what can you do? What can you not do?

Always focus on where you do have some influence. Take appropriate action and then let the rest go. Do what you can and do not worry about what you cannot. We are all different.

Anxiety helps no one. And realize, the calmer and more detached you are in your action, the more effective it will be.

That’s it. Simple. Wise. Evergreen advice from first century Rome. We all know it, but we still find ourselves in a lather over events totally outside our control.

It’s so simple

So if you are feeling upset or angry or frustrated, STOP, and ask yourself—is this within my sphere of influence? If yes, then what positive steps can I take to make it better? If not, then give yourself permission to let it go.

You can still care without stress. You can be concerned without stress. The Stoics call it calm indifference. The Bhagavad Gita, the book that was the central influence on Gandhi during his one man confrontation with the British Empire, describes it as holy indifference.  The only effective action is that taken with holy indifference.

Think about it. If each of us focused on what we could do, and took action in a positive, calm state, and then let go the negative emotions, would our lives and those around us improve?

The Stoics certainly thought so. Try it. It’s incredibly liberating.
The Number One Complaint from My Coaching Clients. Is This You?

The Number One Complaint from My Coaching Clients. Is This You?

Jan 27, 2020 | Life-Coaching, Personal Development, procrastinating, productivity, self-help, Success, Uncategorized

A few weeks ago I trundled along to Mexico City to attend a conference. My hidden agenda was to grab several hours completely alone in my hotel room, to do some work. Just a desk, my computer, and me. I was determined to complete a marketing task I had been avoiding for about 4 months. This was my real reason for going—to have an uninterrupted opportunity to get down to it.

After the first 10 minutes of peering at spreadsheets and searching for keywords, I got itchy. Should I make a coffee? (No, one is already sitting in front of me). Is there anything on TV? (No, only 1 English channel). Emails? (No, you checked 10 minutes ago). Facebook?

Stop! You’re here for a reason, I scolded myself. To avoid all those distractions. Get to it!

Well, good reader. I got it done. And oh, it felt so good I can’t tell you.

And oh, if only I could escape to a nice hotel room every week or so and do those focus intensive tasks!

Not practical.

The Number One Complaint I Hear

I’ve been a life-coach for over 20 years now, and I can honestly say the number one complaint I get from my clients these days is—I can’t focus on my tasks. I can’t get anything done. I can easily waste a whole day doing nothing! What can I do about this?

Seems a lot of us, especially if we are work-from-home-entrepreneur types, have trouble making ourselves focus on tasks at hand.

The reasons are obvious. Digital Distraction. Modern research is showing that the average person checks his or her phone 200-500 times a day! Ack.

Robin Sharma, one of world’s top leadership experts, who has sold more than 15 million books, says unequivocally, “Your phone is costing you your fortune.”

Sharma goes on to say that we suffer from Digital Dementia—using up valuable ‘cognitive bandwidth’ by being hooked to a screen of some sort from the moment we wake up. We are literally addicted to the dopamine shot that we get from social media ‘likes’, messages, and emails.

We deplete our creativity allotment for the day with news, videos, and articles. Information overload before our day even properly begins.

Oh, this is so me!

Makes you think. Sharma isn’t the only one pointing this out.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says that in his research on productive, successful people, he found there are “no high performance people, just high performance habits” and that the key to high performance is creating an environment where you can concentrate on the one thing at a time.

Swami Vivekananda, the famous Hindu monk, wrote that “The difference between an ordinary person and a great person lies in the degree of concentration”.

The great quarterback Peyton Manning always claimed that the only thing that distinguished him from other players was his ability to focus in his practice. He would spend hours after the other players had gone home, practicing one throw hundreds of times. And that one throw would win him the game.

Our ability to focus Is important, and crucial to our productivity and success in anything.

A Tight Bubble of Total Focus

How do we ordinary mortals make ourselves focus with all the distractions life brings? The answer, says Sharma, lies in creating a tight bubble of total focus—controlling our environment and all distractions so we can sit and work on one project at a time.

No phone conversations, no checking email. Absolutely no Facebook. Ahem.

Isolating oneself for a fixed period.

(Dogs can be a problem. I’m being pestered as I write this to go for a walk.)

But it’s not impossible! And it does require some discipline. (What is that, I hear you cry?) Plus deciding it’s worth it. Do you want to write that book? Paint that picture? Start that business project? Finish that course? Really want to?

Or is life as usual just pulling you along and, well, hmm I think there’s a jar of mixed nuts in the kitchen that hasn’t even been opened, and then I really must email my friend in California who is having all those problems right now, and oh I need to go fix a drink of something. Is it lunchtime already?

I Woke Up From My Stupor

My weekend in Mexico City woke me up. I experienced a rather delicious feeling when I got something challenging done. Way better than watching YouTube videos.

So I’ve started a morning and afternoon Power Hour when I really focus on something challenging until I get it done. Then at least I’ve done something!

And maybe I can’t do hotels every weekend but I could get myself dressed and out the door to work for a while in one of the many cafes in town. Might even be fun.

What could you do to be more focused? Or do you do it already? Share your experiences with me. You’re almost bound to be more disciplined than I am, so you can ‘fess up safely.

Happy Power Hour!

Margaret

margaretnashcoach.com

PS— I may not be the most disciplined person on the planet, but I am a good coach and can help you with things you are struggling with. In my experience the best coaches are the ones who really ‘get’ your challenges because they share them and have worked on them personally. That would almost certainly be moi.

Check out my Accountability Coaching for Entrepreneurs and Retirees who don’t want to hang up their spurs. Might be just what you need to get moving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Steps to surprisingly easy and motivating goal setting.

4 Steps to surprisingly easy and motivating goal setting.

Jan 14, 2020 | goal setting, Life-Coaching, Personal Development, productivity, Uncategorized

It’s that time. Well, a little past that time. I know, I know, maybe you’ve been avoiding it. Or it’s possible you’ve already set some goals…. 2 weeks ago…. but now can’t remember what they were?

Well, mid January may be the perfect time to set some new goals or freshen up the ones you’ve already made. You’ll get it right this time. I have some solutions.

You look at your list of goals from last year… with some trepidation.

Hey, not bad. Some of them actually appeared in your life.

Then one jumps out at you. It’s been on your list for years and no progress has been made.

Not happening.

You are filled with a sense of failure. You don’t know whether to give it another heroic go… or just give up and accept reality.

Maybe you should just pack it in on learning how to use Mailchimp, or apps on your iPhone, Zoom, spreadsheets, or your technical nemesis of choice. It’s so easy, they say. Yeah.  Maybe you should own it that you you’re never going to be a computer whizz. You know, joke about it. Stop apologizing. Shrug your shoulders.

Oh the relief that would bring, mixed with a feeling of dismay at settling for less than you deep down know is possible.

Or, let’s see, would it be better to just accept those extra 10 pounds and learn to live with them? Love each and every one of them? Wear looser clothes and avoid mirrors? Let black be your best friend?

Who are you kidding?

Something in you rebels at giving up—even if you’ve struggled with this goal forever.

Are you with me? Know what I’m talking about?

So the blame game begins.

You start to fuss at yourself. Making excuses. Beating yourself up.

You tell yourself to stop being such a wimp.

Get motivated.

Join that gym again and stick with it this time. Overcome that fear and loathing.

Dig out those old Tony Robbins tapes and get yourself fired up into a froth of energy and willpower.

Announce it to all your friends and even get a goal buddy.

Just do it, as Confucius once said. (Wait…was that Nike, or the Dalai Lama?)

Previous experience tells you something is wrong here and it’s not going to work. Yet it’s important to clean up those stubborn goals before setting new ones or they will just gum up the works.

Old, stubborn, unachieved goal. Ask:

  1. Is this something I really want to do or does it give me a yuck feeling every time I think about it?
  2. Is the result exciting, or just meh?
  3. Do I have a plan or strategy to make this happen or is it all just wishful thinking?
  4. Am I honestly willing to pay the price or do I deep down feel it’s not worth it?

Chances are somewhere in those 4 questions is the reason you haven’t hit that goal that’s been hanging around for years.

If it’s something you can change, or you weren’t aware of before, maybe, just maybe, you can get it to work this time. Perhaps subconsciously you just weren’t willing to pay that price? But you are now?

I suggest you look at the questions and if you still can’t work up any enthusiasm, drop-kick that goal to the curb! Clear it out. Chances are, if you send it packing, it will magically appear in your life anyway. Goals have a weird way of doing that.

OK, we’ve got that old stuff out of the way to ready  you for some fresh beginnings.

Maybe we can rejig them, bring them up to date.

Does it always have to be 10 lbs? What’s wrong with 7 lbs or 12? Wouldn’t you be just as happy with 5? Something about putting a number to it, seems to guarantee failure. What about just losing a little weight without getting cranky, light headed, and fainting in the supermarket?

Now try this easy approach that I use for goal setting.

I used to set frantic, ambitious, highly detailed goals, with numbers and dollar signs attached, but these days I’m more laid back about them. I just want my goals to gently nudge me in the direction I want to go.

This new method is relaxed and comfortable and do-able. I find more things happen that I’m pleased with and I don’t have that guilty loser feeling when they don’t.

So, get out a piece of paper or notebook, pen, and a cup of coffee. At the top write —

“Goals for 2020” and the date.

Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side at the top, write

“In 2020 I would be excited and pleased if… “

Then list one by one some exciting, pleasing things you would like to show up in your life that aren’t there now. Just free wheel and let your mind play loose.

On the right side at the top, write

“In 2020 I resolve to take these actions.”

Here write a list, in any order, of steps you intend to take in relation to your goals. EG let’s say losing weight would really excite and please you. So you resolve to find out about intermittent fasting, or join the gym, or get a treadmill, or a Fitbit watch, whatever. Just get a plan down. No numbers. Just action steps.

Write this next at the top of the next page.

“In 2020 it would be over-the-moon fabulous, beyond my dreams if….”

Think of what would be totally amazing if it happened. You don’t have to believe it will happen, or make any resolutions to make it happen. Just write it down and forget about it.

Now, one final bit, which is where it really gets interesting. Write this.

“What is one goal that would positively affect all my other goals?”

This is your Meta Goal and will facilitate all the others. Examples would be, to create some great work habits, to be more focused and productive, establish good eating and exercise habits, to learn to be more technical in certain areas, to get good at marketing, etc.

It may well be something you need to sacrifice, or a habit you need to change.

What is yours? This is your umbrella goal, which will make all the others more likely to come to fruition.

Mine is to create better work habits. Pretty vague and that’s OK. But better work habits will impact all areas of my life—income, weight, exercise, creativity. It’s all related. One good habit impacts all others.

I need to sacrifice spending so much time on emails and social media.

Put this at the top of your to-do list every day.

It will benefit you to make it your prime focus. Keep it in front of you. Don’t forget about it. This is the one thing that’s going to facilitate all your dreams and goals.

This approach works really well for me and I hope it does for you too. Make it fun and enjoyable. Sit out in the garden or under a tree. A cup of coffee, or hey, make it tea. It’s so simple— you just daydream and write down your daydreams.

Happy, fun, and energizing goal setting!

Margaret
Margaretnashcoach.com

If you would like help giving 2020 a kick start in the best way possible then drop me a line here and we can either meet in person here in San Miguel or work together online. I’ll help you get motivated and ready to roll.
And if you like I will hold you accountable through the year.
Check out my Accountability Coaching.
You’ll be glad you made the effort!